I just cut my nipple shaving
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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