i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
