I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
