Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
