So drunk its hurt
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
