Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
