It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
