I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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