i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If its not for food we ain't going out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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