My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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