Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
