So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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