I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
