Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
