That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
