Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't deserve a penis
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
