ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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