i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
