What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
