Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
