When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
