arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
