im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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