Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
