No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
