I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
