what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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