Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
