and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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