I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
