So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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