That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Its about making memories worth repressing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
