either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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