Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
