Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
