I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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