just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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