Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
