he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
