I think im going to throw up on grandma
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Even my vagina gasped.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
