Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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