Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
