Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
