It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
