my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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