if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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