why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
