If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
