So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
