Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
