I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
