When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
