There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
