Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
