Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
