DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
