there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
