Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
